i LOVE the holidays

Something about this time of year just makes me happy. Absolutely nothing can change, but I'm just always in a better mood. I love everything - the cold, the lights, the decorations, the music, the movies, the family get-togethers, the food, the parties...what is not to like? Yet, even as I sit here and think of all the fun, I completely forget the reason we even have this holiday. How easily I am distracted, and that, sadly, is not just during Christmas time.

I have decided that I need to apologize in advance for the men who may one day enter my family. Me and my sisters are crazy when together. We are fun and amusing - don't get me wrong - but sometimes i wonder, does it require a special kind of sense of humor? That, I guess, we will one day have to discover. As for now, we can assume we are actually quite normal and enjoy that. Honestly, though, what should be expected from 4 girls who are all very different and only see each other a few times a year?

After fighting the aweful traffic back to Houston with the rest of the world....

we did a little decorating. Our living room looks like Christmas threw-up. It's glorious. :)

oh the irony

In the midst of my past week, at least i can laugh at myself...

This Tuesday, I organized and took my 3rd graders on our first field trip. That morning 2 of the 4 teachers bailed on me for different reasons, leaving me and one other teacher with 70 eight year olds and a few parents. Needless to say, I was Ms. Heine-don't-mess-with-me-today strict. While on the school bus on the way back, it starts downpoaring - the windows down. Kids screaming. Me - the only teacher on the bus - trying to get them to calm down and put up the windows - something their little hands can't do by themselves. Meanwhile, one of my more difficult students, decides he wants to keep standing up - an huge no-no. Coming up the isle, I stop at him and shook my finger, saying "if you stand up one more time..." - meanwhile, the bus driver decides to turn the corner.

it was like in slow motion...

...i lost my footing...

...still tried to keep my stern/angry face...

...but just couldn't recover...

...and completely fall into the lap of the innocent kid across the isle!!

My troublemaker just looks at me not knowing how to respond, and just gives this huge wry grin. The whole bus, including the parents, I'm sure, was now looking at me. I couldn't keep it together and just bust out laughing.

This is why you don't stand up on the bus.

I was always taught to lead through example, right?

i do have some of the greatest/cutest kids. it makes my job worth it. sometimes i still can't believe that i am old enough to be doing this.

(bottom)These are all the 3rd graders I was put in charge of. That's me in the top right corner. :)

Into the Wild

I'm just finishing up the book "Into the Wild" about that guy who gave away everything he owned and took off across the US to explore and find adventure. (It's a really great book, if you haven't read it.) But it's gotten me to thinking about life. I'm one prone to seek out adventure and try new things, and in the book the premise sounds so appealing and glamorous, yet in reality when he gets into the details it kinda looses it's appeal. The author talks about how he had this huge goal of climbing some mountain that few ever even attempt. Then he goes into detail of the harsh weather, the strenuous physical effort, and the fear of being completely alone with no resource to call for help while he's actually fulfilling this dream. Many times - maybe b/c i had a small taste of it this summer - I think parts of life are a lot like climbing a mountain. Sounds great in theory, and at the beginning you are filled with energy and excitement. Then you get half-way up the mountain and begin to think, what the heck am i doing? I'm tired and its gotten hard - the reality begins to set in. You realize that no one really knows where you are at and there's no easy out - but you gotta push, b/c you hope that when you reach your destination, it's all going to be worth it. Yet, along the way the Lord blesses you with getting to see snapshots of God's beauty - wildlife, nature and bonding with those you are with - all of which you'd never get to experience if you just stayed at the bottom of the mountain. Then you reach the top and quickly forget the strenuous journey you just took to get there, b/c nothing can compare to what is around you. As one of my stubborn, cussing, I'm-going-to-let-you-know-how-much-i-hate-this-the-whole-way-up-the-mountain high schoolers put it this summer when we finally reached the top, "thanks for making me come...it was all totally worth it". Which I knew the whole time, but there was no convincing her on the way up - I just kept having to tell her to trust me. That's God to us. He knows the end result, what we are "hiking" towards and sometimes there's no convincing us...He just keeps telling us to trust Him. Then every once in a while, He gives us a gift of being able to see a snapshot of His beauty along our journey.

ridiculous

i am still laughing at the fact that as i was running yesterday at Memorial Park, there were tons of people dressed in mittens and scarves and huge jackets...our "cold front" of 58 degrees is quite extreme, i am sure...but seriously? but i guess that's Texas for ya. it was probably one of the only 3 days this year we will be able to wear that winter wardrobe.

If you ignore a problem long enough...will it eventually just go away?

So I saw a velour tracksuit at a store in the mall recently. Should they be selling those anymore? hm...there's a reason things should go out of style...

I've been thinking about relationships lately - whether it be with friends, parents, co-workers, acquaintances, a "special someone", etc - and how people come in and out and sometimes even back into your life. I think for everyone, especially in my life, God definitely gives and takes away relationships. Some are ripped out of my life, some gradually fade away, some can pick up right where they left off, and some just continue to grow closer. I have realized there are few relationships that really continue all of life...and that those require great effort on both sides, especially as paths separate. Relationships may require the most energy in any part of life. Probably because we are all so selfish, so we have to actually humble ourselves and think about it from another person's perspective - for there are always two sides to any story. But I don't want to take for granted or get lazy in those "life-long" relationships, I want to be proactive. If that means going to see them during situations that are not ideal, bearing with them through a funk, and/or continually forgiving them - I will, even if little in me wants to. Some people I was born into a life with, others I chose to live life with - either way, I do want them to stick around. And usually, that's up to me - even when the times get rough.

purpose

"No one is more pleasurable to be around than a person who has had her cup filled by the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the only one who is never overwhelmed by the depth and length of our need."

"Everyone's deepest longings come from the need to feel loved unconditionally. We seek greatness, wealth, things to try to fill that void. Our hearts are not healthy until they have been satisfied by the only completely healthy love that exists: the love of God, Himself."

I'm slowly beginning to realize that this is life. I don't know if I like it. I am either working, sleeping or driving 18 of the 24 hours in a day. That statement makes me really sad. But the majority of the world lives a schedule like that. I've done it for, what, 2 years? People do it their whole lives...I guess that's why it's so important to find a job that you enjoy and find meaning in. I've been thinking a lot about God's purpose in things. It's often SO hard to see it, but often when you look back you can completely see His hand in it. In the midst, I question God a ton, and I believe we need to be real with God in our emotions, but I wish that I could finally learn to truly trust Him in the fog...even if it kinda seems to suck at the moment. I looked up every verse in the Bible that talks about hope. B/c what am I living in hope for as I wake up every morning and do my routine? First, I am reminded that I have something so much greater than many people I encounter everyday. I DO have a "living hope..to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled and unfading, kept in Heaven for " (1 Peter 1:3). Second, I was convicted to look back at the provision and purpose God has shown in so many aspects of my past...that I questioned greatly at the time. He really is good. He really does have a purpose. Yes, pain and hard things are caused from sin and evil, but even in that God has a plan and uses it for good. So, how will I chose to walk through those times?

I guess it's our greatest battle - believing Truth and not the lies that seem so much easier to believe. When you are running away from something, you have to run towards something. I just wish it wasn't as hard as i make it.

"In appreciation of beauty, mountains, music, poetry, knowledge, people, sciences - even in the tang of an apple - God is there, to reflect the joy of His presence in the believer who will realize God's purpose in all things." - Pete Fleming

so this is new

I've never had a blog before. And honestly, I don't really read others that much. But I like the idea. And I'm willing to try almost anything once.

...thoughts that can be read by anybody...it's interesting how I think our culture shapes the way we communicate. Everyone wants to be known. Yet we live in such a fast paced society, that we have discovered new ways for that to happen. No longer do we have the time to just go grab coffee with a friend for a couple hours whenever desired. Our time is precious, and sadly is filled with monotonous tasks that rule our existence. How many people do you know that you can just BE with? Often we are so desperate to be known by so many that we miss out on how to just be with someone, to rest in their presence - not always only catching up on the "majors" in order to rush off to the next appointment.

Maybe it's a product of our generation. I've been staying with an older lady the past week to help her while her family is out of town, and I've gained such a refreshed and renewed perspective. Have you noticed how our grandparents' generation can sit at the dinner table for hours and just talk? I'm sad I've missed out on how to enjoy that. I long to just be...to enjoy the company I've been given, not always feel rushed to the next thing or person. It's like we all want to be known, but have a skewed view of how that truly happens.