Wednesday, January 13, 2010

My Goal

Over the last couple weeks, while being unemployed, I have had time. Time to think. Time to read. Time to pick up some domestic skills again. Time to cut my finger almost off while trying to chop an onion (thank you domesticity). and unfortunately, Time to stress.

I desire this time to be refreshing and a renewal period. I know that I needed it after leaving my job. I don't think I realized how much it beat me up inside. And my sweet, loving, understanding husband saw the impact of those 9 hours I spent everyday at such a place and allowed me to leave it all behind.

So here I sit. Trying to figure out what's next. And it slightly stresses me out, as usual. Now I've had my share of jobs (hostess, Tom Thumb checker, Sonic car-hop, camp counselor, filer/clerical, Kohl's, administrative assistant, waitress, church intern, bookkeeper at a jewelry store, wilderness guide, medical forum counselor, teacher...and I even think I left a few out...) and rarely do I know what comes next. Maybe if I followed a "normal" path (whatever that is) my life wouldn't be so eclectic. But then again, I kinda like it like that.

I mean, my mind has taken me all over the place for my next job...even yesterday I had an interview for a clerical position, got offered the job - for $9 an hour!! NINE DOLLARS! I think I made that before I was even a high school graduate! Plus, it didn't even sound like something I'd enjoy after about a week....And I almost took it. Because I want a direction and something to cling to. Something to define myself by...To feel as if I'm contributing to this marriage.

Which brings me to my inspirational "aha" moment as I was reading Becoming God's True Woman by Nancy Leigh Demoss (one of many books that have been sitting on our bookshelf waiting to be read). One part talks about our goal in life and how we need to define it so we can walk faithfully in it. Yes, it would be nice to have a job that I love and I can utilize my God-given gifts to excel in it (and lucky are you if you have found it)...and maybe that job is right around the corner...but right now I'm a daughter, a friend, a sister, a wife and God's child. And my goal is to look at those relationships and determine how I am to serve.

Right now I'm focusing on my role as a wife. Mostly because it's new and always immediately in front of me. I am Matt's helper. And I LOVE it! (As I'm still learning what that means.) But Mrs. Demoss in her book reminded me,

"What is my goal as a wife?...One day I want to hear God say to Matt, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your master.' As Matt's helper in this life, those words will be my joy."

So, right now even if I don't contribute an income, I still have a place. Building a home. A clean, safe place for Matt to come home to each day. Looking for ways to save a little money here and there. Provide a home-cooked meal each night (ok, maybe not every night...). Help keep the clothes on his back clean. And try my best to encourage him with a joyful spirit after a long days work. So, right now, that's my focus and goal as I wait for the next job...but unlike most other things I have done, this one gets to stick with me for the rest of our lifetime!

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