I'm back. After a long month (actually, I was so busy, it seemed to go by rather quickly thankfully), I have my life back! Yay! I'm ready for routine again and a full nights rest. I'm ready to be able to chose what I eat and when I eat it. I'm ready for my classroom of 3rd graders (I realized I'm not cut out to teach high schoolers). I'm ready to spend adequate time and energy on people I care about (here's my shout out Matt:)). I'm also ready to get some down time...which I've been utilizing my last few days of freedom before school starts back up.
I journal a lot, people process things different ways and this is how I do it. Another perk of it is going back and reading my past thoughts. Sometimes it's discouraging, because it doesn't appear that much has changed. Sure, life circumstances have frequently changed - the places I've lived, the roommates I've had, the jobs that have employed me, but has my heart? my way of thinking? the unique, internal challenges that I face? They seem to reoccur over and over again. Unfortunately, those things don't happen overnight on a whim, like a move to a new city. These changes can take years - possibly one's whole life. And I'm learning that the journey of life causes it to change faster or slower - for better or for worse. Thankfully, God allows and urges my heart on in His timing and His placement. And while I can try to control the outward circumstances all I want, it is only with God the inward can change. Makes it seem a little less lonely and little more possible.
I came across this quote I copied down back in 2004 - and not surprisingly, I still really like it, so I thought I'd share for those of you who are interested.
In my moments of fear,
Through every pain, every tear,
There's a God who's been faithful to me.
When my strength was all gone,
When my heart had no song,
Still in love He's proved faithful to me.
Every word He's promised is true;
What I thought was impossible, I see my God do.
He's been faithful, faithful to me,
Looking back, His love & mercy I see.
Though in my heart I have questioned,
Even failed to believe,
Yet He's been faithful, faithful to me.
When my heart looked away,
The many times I could not pray,
Still my God, He was faithful to me.
The days I spent so selfishly,
Reaching out for what pleased me;
Even then God was faithful to me.
Every time I come back to Him,
He is waiting with open arms,
And I see once again,
He's been faithful to me.
-from Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire