Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I consider myself cautious...

So this strange phenomenon has happened with me the last several months. I have been in a state of fear whenever I am alone, especially at my house (probably b/c that's the only place I'm really alone). The only other time I have been through this was when I was living in Central Asia leading a mission team and there were no more Americans in the country (because they had all been kicked out) and there were some crazy things going on in the world - so I excuse myself for that one. :) But now, I can't really explain what is going on in my head and why all of a sudden. Sometimes I think it is spiritual warfare, sometimes maybe logical and sometimes maybe I'm just crazy.

I could tell you all the random things that have happened leading up this, such as the night I woke up with a very terrible feeling or the night when someone was held up down the street from me and the victims decided to get my neighbor to call the police...but I don't like thinking about them nor would you probably enjoy reading about them.

But one rainy, flooding day that turned sunny about 2 weeks ago, I kinda had a panic attack. Angela and I were home (b/c it had conveniently flooded that day and I didn't have work) and she was packing up getting ready to leave town. I had a movie on in the living room but was up and about. We thought we heard someone knock on the door, which got our attention. The dogs started barking inside the house. Then I heard the gate open on the side of the house, looked out and it was open. Angela didn't believe me and looked outside and it was closed (about 30 sec later). So we are arguing about whether is was open or closed. Then I hear this we freak out and RUN to the bathroom frantically (why we went to the one room that had no escape, I don't know), Angela grabs a broom (again, what are we going to do with this broom you ask? I have no idea either), I grab my cell phone and immediately call 911. I think this is the first time that I had ever done that, and the response people are way too calm and ask way too many questions during an emergency! Then they hung up on me! I couldn't believe it! What if I really was in trouble and they hang up on me!? I call Matt, basically hyperventilating with my heart about to pound out of my chest and Angela asks me what the scream sounded like. I demonstrated for her, of course...and she stops and thinks...and says, "Laura, I think that was on the TV". WHAT!?! So we rewind the TV (thank you DVR)...

...and sure enough the scream was from the TV...


We just bust out laughing. However, I'm still a little scared because the gate did open and close. But nonetheless, the cops were already on their way. Better safe than sorry. Did I tell the cop that the scream had come from the TV? No. Should I? Maybe, but I still felt like he shouldn't discount us as crazy ladies (ok, really only me, not so much Angela). He came, talked to the neighbors to see if they saw anything and then left. Didn't even check our backyard! Grr. Then Angela left. Leaving me all alone. Not good.

I was still really jumpy, so I into the flooding.

Since then I can't seem to stay in the house by myself alone and the smallest things will freak me out. Weird, I know. But it is kinda funny when Caitlin comes home and we hear something on the front porch so we tip toe to the door to make sure it's not the boogyman.

I don't know if it's this city that scares me. Maybe I watch too much TV and news. Maybe my fear is legitimate. Maybe it's spiritual warfare trying to distract me from something. I don't know...but I really don't like it.

1 comment:

Erin said...

Laura I'm so sorry! I know exactly how you feel... its horrible to not feel safe/comfortable in your own home. That was one plus with my in-laws living with us - someone was always home with me! And now those feelings are kind of returning for me since they've moved out. I will be praying for you!